Only God...

I have been waiting to share some very CRAZY news. But I wanted it to be perfect. I have so much to tell you, but my heart keeps leading me to start with this letter. I wrote it to our family in a raw moment of surrender. Thanks to my sweet friend, Stephanie McIntyre, the blog is almost in order! (I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing!) It will be beautified as time moves along but I knew today was the day. Tell everyone you know! Share it, Pin it, Email it! I PROMISE, you need to hop on this crazy train! 

It is with great pleasure I now invite you to join the crazy Krauses on the journey of a lifetime.....

~The Letter to our Family~

How I so wish we were gathered in Nana’s kitchen right now. I need to have a talk with my family and, unfortunately, email is the way it will be done today. I can picture us in the kitchen though, and I can see each of your faces:-).

There are times in an individual’s life when we just, plain and simple, need our family. Times when we need love, support and wisdom that only family can offer. Times when we need the kind of prayers only your family can pray for you. God is turning our life upside down. Our very comfortable, very blessed, very happy, very stable (did I say comfortable?), predictable life…upside down. I will try my hardest to give you the condensed version!

 It started mid-year when I began to hear the whisper: “Be my hands and feet.” Okay, sure Jesus, I can do that. So, I remembered that command every time I was asked to do something for someone (mostly keeping a herd of kids), and being nice to those I really wanted to be ugly to, etc. Meanwhile, I was so dead spiritually. I was thirsty, I was hungry. I needed a heavy dose of the Holy Spirit, I desperately wanted to hear from my God, but He was silent. Being a girl who was born in love with Jesus, who has never known a life without that holy communion, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I walked around in this state for months. Only God and I being privy to this awful secret. Then, one normal Friday, a woman came to speak at our church. She described, word for word, exactly how I was feeling. In fact, I totally had a God moment. She was looking straight at me and the room went blurry, literally blurry, I couldn’t breathe. It was just me and her and God’s message. I wanted to run from the room.

In spite of not possibly being able to fit another “God Thing” into her schedule, in spite of being a Lifer in the church, a pastor’s daughter and a pastor’s wife, in spite of serving, writing/leading/participating in Bible study, she was spiritually empty. After wallowing in this for a while she had a “Come to Jesus” where she begged Him to raise up a Holy Passion inside of her. Long story short, He did. Her message to us was, what!? Being the hands and feet of Jesus, LITERALLY. How the bible is clear about serving the poor, the widowed, the orphan the least of these, in the kingdom of God. Not, figuratively, literally.

I left scared and excited, HE’S SPEAKING TO ME, GOD IS REALLY SPEAKING TO ME!!!! I had been given a big drink of the Living Water and, for that moment, my thirst had been quenched.  (Remember I’m trying to write the very condensed version:) I began to pray that God would be clear with me. What does it mean for me to be your hands and feet?  It was a crazy weekend. If you ask Ryan, I bet he would tell you I barely spoke. I could think of nothing else, I could only pray and ask and offer myself up to Him. I searched His Word, questioned and prayed some more. In the following days and weeks I was bombarded with scripture about caring specifically for the orphan. With heart wrenching statistics about neglected, abandoned children. Not just in my personal search but all around me, in my comings and goings. EVERYWHERE I WENT! I was clear with God that this was not what I was talking about, but I couldn’t deny what He was telling me.  I decided He meant I was supposed to support those around me who were adopting, pray for the orphans. Yes, that’s what He was saying. BUT when my husband, who I had mentioned NONE OF THIS TO (why in the world would I!?), told me how God was speaking to HIM about adoption, I had to put my big girl panties on and face my Lord. Eye to glorious Eye.

Some days I feel frozen, nauseous, like I’m going to throw up. Scared.To.Death. Some days I can’t think of anything else, I can’t educate myself enough, pray enough, dream enough. And then I’m back to the
“I think I’m gonna throw up” feelings. We have been praying, seeking and praying some more. Oh, family, HE WON’T LET US GO. How I wish He would let us go, but just as soon as I think He’s forgotten, we are BOMBARDED with His very clear message. As I type this I can’t control my tears because the reality is falling so hard on me. I’m scared, so scared. But I know one thing, I want to be used by Jesus, I want to make Him famous. I want to be obedient and I know to ignore Him now would be to sin.  I want to be where He is, I want to love Him with my whole heart and love His people, I want to be His hands and feet, no matter the cost.

10 years ago this year, the medical world told Ryan and I we would not be able to have children. 8.5 years ago, bald and 2 months away from my last chemo treatment, I was told I was going to have a baby.  5+ years ago I stared at a positive pregnancy test in spite of birth control. God had other plans. At 26 years old with a 4 week old baby, Ryan and I sat in a urologist’s office with a perplexed doctor. “Are you sure? You two are so young. A vasectomy is a big decision.”  “YES, WE ARE SURE!” Last February, a hysterectomy was no big deal to me considering the decision of no more children had already been made. Well, I’m fearfully telling you today, God has other plans. He is calling us to expand our family through adoption. By His design. (see, I’m feeling nauseous again)

We ask that you would be willing to come alongside of us, most importantly PRAY for us. We are scared to death (in case I haven’t already mentioned this:) and we really don’t know what we are doing or where to begin. Domestic adoption, International adoption, from what country, how are we going to fund this, boy/girl, what age would be best...There are so many things to consider but one thing’s for sure, we know our God has all the answers. We know that He will provide. He is, after all, Jehovah-Jireh, our provider. We are currently trying to educate ourselves in any way we can. All we know is that we will only consider a child younger than Ella. Most likely between the ages of 2 & 4. After that, we have no idea.

We desperately want the blessing and support of our family. I know it all sounds crazy, but we are crazy, crazy wild about Jesus. And do I really need to mention that it’s really all your fault? Each of you have a responsibility in my craziness and my love affair with Him!!  Please, please, please pray hard for us as, to quote Paula, we chase after Jesus with all our hearts.

Will you join us on this God-Adventure?

Love,

Brit & Ryan

Pin It