I will follow You.

When I say I have so much to tell you, it’s really an understatement. I have no idea where to begin. I’m thankful blogger doesn’t tell secrets like how many times you press the delete key! I have to keep reminding myself I have time. I do don’t I? You’ll come back, right? Oh, how I hope so:)

Ryan and I spent hours praying about and discussing adoption. Due to the Christmas break and family/friends having the kiddos, we were blessed with a lot of alone time. I see why now! Ryan was much more sure, steady, UNVELIEVABLY calm and cool. I, on the other hand, was not. I was an emotional wreck. My moment of surrender came one morning (Mon. Jan. 9th), when my husband looked at me and said “Britany, it’s much more scary to me to be disobedient and ignore what God is clearly telling us. I want His will for our family.” *whew* He will tell you now that those words were from the Holy Spirit, not “Ryan inspired” ;) Must have been, because those words pierced my soul. When God clearly gives me a command, or requires something of me, it’s usually the same process every time. I wish I could tell you I’m a mature, obedient Christian. I’m not. At first I resist, dig my heels in, complain, get bratty with my “I’m not gonna!” attitude. But eventually, because I’m crazy wild about Him, I obey.

Skeptics, I am desperately praying you will watch and stay tuned. Even if just to see us fail. God’s timing is un-be-live-able. As I’m thinking back on how everything has taken place it’s amazing to me. I don’t know how it’s possible to look and not see God’s divine pen writing this story! A couple of months prior, I had sent off for informational packets on adoption. You know when you’re on random sites and there are ads off to the sides? One click led to another and so on…I remember confessing to my friend and telling her I had no idea why I did it, I just did. Anyway, our first step was to make a prayerful and educated decision on whether we would pursue an international or domestic adoption. (although I’ll tell you now, my heart was being pulled to Africa, specifically Ethiopia. Their eyes haunted me, called to me. But that’s a secret for now!) I picked up one of the information packets I had received and got on America World’s website. There was an “Adopted by Design” seminar THAT Thursday in San Antonio. Of course, we went. I was so nervous I was shaking all over! It was like I was about to sing the national anthem at the super bowl. I might as well have been on a roller coaster that night seeing as though I experienced every emotion under the sun. BUT, God was most definitely there. When the woman was giving a breakdown of the costs (and I was freaking out), her husband interrupted and said “Please don’t let these numbers scare you. God funds what He favors.” When he was praying at the end of the seminar and I was feeling nauseous and anxious, doubting God again he said, “God I pray right now against the spirit of fear, of doubt, and anxiety. Help us to trust in You and Your plan.” And by the way, they were in the process of adopting from Ethiopia.

The Friday morning after the seminar, Dylan and I had some time before school. I spread all of the informational sheets on each country out on our table and we discussed each one. He grabbed Ethiopia and said “This one, mom. This one. Mom, look at their eyes.” That night Dylan was hunting with Grandpa and we were alone with Ella. We did the same thing with her and which one did she grab? Yup, Ethiopia. “I want this one, mommy. I like their EYES!” Don’t ask, I don’t know the significance with the eye thing.

The next evening Ryan and I were sitting on the couch and I was creeping on Facebook. (don’t judge, you do it too) One of my friends had posted that the African Children’s Choir was going to be at Austin New Church the following morning. I told Ryan and we both knew where we would be going to church Sunday! I tried to get a bunch of my friends and my brother to go but circumstances prevented them from coming. It was just me and Ryan as the kiddos were with Mimi and Grandpa. People, I cried the whole time. My heart fell open and I cannot begin to articulate the feelings that rushed over me. It was beautiful. These precious children were beautiful. In spite of the tragic loss of one or both of their parents, hardships we as Americans will never know, poverty beyond our imagination…they praised. Beautiful, pure, heartfelt praise to a God who is bigger than their circumstances. It was in that moment I knew. I was going to be the KUNTRY, BUDA LIVIN’, REDNECK, PASTY WHITE mother to a precious African child. I know, crazy, huh?

I decided I wouldn’t say anything to Ryan because I didn’t want to sway him one way or the other. I wanted Him to hear from God and ultimately lead us in the direction based on what God was telling him. (try not to act so surprised) We didn’t even make it to the car before he squeezed my hand and said “Well, that was NOT a coincidence.” We practically skipped to the car like a couple of giddy school girls. No one around us knowing the joy of confirmation we were feeling DEEP within our spirits. He proceeded to tell me how he was going to tell his parents and I should get online and apply. Pay the NON-REFUNDABLE application fee (those who know my husband, know the non-refundable thing is HUGE, this said he meant business), and sign up for the Ethiopia program. It was decided, INSERT HUGENORMOUS EXHALE HERE!!!!!!

*DISCLAIMER* I feel it important to address the grumbles of those who want to judge our decision. I hear you, people, I’ve been one of you. During this time we also researched and sent off for information on domestic adoption, as well as contacted some of the agencies the seminar had recommended. Not one of them got back to us. We spoke to others who have personal experience with domestic adoption and openly explored both avenues and prayed for God’s direction. It has been very clear to US where God is leading US. Domestic or International adoption all matters. Experts say there are between 143-203 MILLION orphans in the world. As my friend Karen said, choose one.

TO BE CONTINUED…